Logan had never wanted to faint more in her life. She stared at the small piece of ripped fabric and repressed the urge to start going off about the sheets like she normally would have. She didn’t know what to say. It was like the air had been sucked from the room. Logan was sure that dying felt like this. Nothing made sense, but she knew that her fate was being sealed in the matter of moments, right here in front of her. She had joked about this before with Lorcan, but this was serious. Logan licked her lips and looked off to the side, like the wall would give her the correct answer for her to relay to the man on his knee in front of her. There would be no time to consult Alaric, though she doubted that she could get through to him. He was too busy tormenting Victoria with a vengeance. Love was harder than she ever had imagined, but she felt that there was something right about this. It had worked for Lucas and Stella, it surely could work for them right?
Logan drew in a shaky breath. “Yes. I will marry you,” she said in a voice that sounded more confident than she felt. She didn’t know what the proper after accepting a proposal etiquette was, so she leaned over and gave him a peck and on the lips, drawing back and looking into his eyes. She needed to make one thing clear. “I love you, I love you with all of my being. I love you more than my next breath, but promise me you won’t break me because if you do I will kill you. I have never trusted anyone like I trust you and this is so frightening to me.” She felt like a little girl, vulnerable and on the edge of tears. Logan laughed in spite of herself. “This is emotional overload, future husband,” she teased lightly. She needed to get used to her new fiancee status.
Lorcan’s heart was racing. He was rarely nervous and vulnerable but this was the definition of vulnerability. Rejection was one thing but to open up yourself to someone to the extent to say ‘You are as much a part of me as I am a part of myself. Without you, I could not go on’ so it was understandable that he was in fight or fight as he liked to call it. There was no flight option for Lorcan, he simply too much an Alpha for that, but none the less his supernatural adrenal system was in overdrive pumping epinephrine throughout his body, causing his muscles to tense and for him to be full of alertness. The silence in the room was horrifying as Lorcan knew this could be the end of himself. All it would take is one syllable comprised of two letters to shatter Lorcan completely. Amidst the silence Lorcan could have sworn that there were three heartbeats, but he knew that it must be his own heart racing twice as fast.
When she said that word, Lorcan knew it would be the end of his carefree life without consequences. With every future action, Lorcan would have to consider not only how it would affect himself, but now how it would affect Logan. There would be no further late night murder sprees or fits of rage. He could never allow himself to again put Logan in danger like he did with Katherine. Although for now it seemed like the storm had passed, Lorcan would always have his guard up waiting, but he would never allow harm to come to Logan. He had to clear his throat before any words could escape it. “I promise.” He picked her up off of the bed and brought her to her feet before backing her against the wall as he tended to do. His lips started at her forehead before trailing down to her lips. “And you have to promise not to break my perfect fucking nose if I say something stupid from time to time.”
"I mean I’m sure Lucas and Stella have their problems. Stella doesn’t know how to open jars and Lucas can get pretty serious about things," Logan said with a shrug. Then the implication of Lorcan’s words hit her. "M-married? Like proper married and not living in sin like we are now? Like me taking your last name and shit?" Logan was hardly ever taken aback by Lorcan. She had lived and witnessed enough of his brutality to not be shocked, but today she was half mortified by his words. She didn’t know if she could picture herself being a wife. She definitely knew that she couldn’t picture herself being a mother, but there she was with a fetus swimming around in her. The though made a bout of nausea roll over her. We shouldn’t be allowed to breed, she thought only half jokingly. This was everything she feared coming at her all at once. She kept her outward demeanor as calm as possible but on the inside she was an utter mess. She loved Lorcan, but could she ever live up to that wife status? Logan was definitely not Stella Byrne-Bane who had dreamed of marriage since age two. Logan had been certain she would die alone with a bottle of vodka in one hand and a copy of Millay’s poems in the other, but then Lorcan happened.
"Is this your way of proposing to me? Because you’re definitely doing it wrong or at least that’s what TV tells me." She felt like all she had asked were questions for an hour. She reached up to mess with her hair only to realize that there wasn’t much to mess with. Married. Oh God. They were really going to do this. Settle down and be an unconventional werewolf family with a kid to round out the picture. The bile was rising in her throat, but the idea was oddly titillating at the same time. This could be good for them. Logan knew that she would probably be the most stubborn wife ever, but that could be a good thing too. She knew that if she did marry she was going to fight for it tooth and nail. There would be no empty vows or broken homes, she was not her mother.
"Yes. I’m not sure what other type of marriage there is actually. Although I don’t really mind living in sin or whether or not you take my last name, I do know that if the world’s going to fall to pieces around us, I’d rather at least know I have you forever." He could tell that Logan was on the verge of a freak out and knowing that made him feel a little bit better about his own. His trip to Mystic Falls was supposed to just be a temporary place to lay low until he could find a new home but he had ended up finding much more than a home. He found a life of his own. He didn’t live in the shadow of a deadbeat father or a holier-than-thou brother any longer. Lorcan Bane was his own man because he had found his woman and he wasn’t going to let a bit of insanity get between them. Marriage was more of a symbol for the bond that they shared rather than to come together in the eyes of the law. Lorcan wasn’t much for laws.
"I suppose it is. I can get down on one knee if it would help, but you shouldn’t get used to it because Lorcan Bane kneels for no one." Lorcan got down to one knee but it felt awkward. Humility was not his strong point and he was sure that she knew it. "Logan Anne-Marie ‘House’, will you marry me? To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, better or worse, sickness, health, rich, poor, yada yada?" He didn’t have anything to give for a ring so he had to improvise. He tore off a piece of the sheet from the bed and fashioned it into a makeshift band. He offered it up to her like a wolf might offer a dead rabbit to its mate as a sign of endearment. That primal gesture of "I don’t want you to starve because I would be alone."
Logan looked at Lorcan with shock, not believing what she was hearing. She couldn’t believe that a night had changed him so much. A life without all the bloodshed and horror would be nice though. It was something she had wanted ever since the night James died. Her free hand, the one Lorcan had not ensnared, went to her stomach before she thought anything of it. If she was to have this child she would not have it in Mystic Falls. “Leaving wouldn’t be cowardly, Lorcan. We’re just tired.” She sighed. Logan was tired down to her bones. She wanted a life that was just her and Lorcan and no problems at all. She wanted them to do normal things couples did, go out on dates, have stupid fights over area rugs, and all that other bullshit people took for granted. She loved Lorcan to the depths of her soul and she would stay with him no matter what, even if in the end he decided to stay and continue to go after Katherine.
Logan gave Lorcan’s had a squeeze back. “We can do that if that’s what you really want. You know I’ll support you in anything, maybe even murder, but that’s beside the point.” There really was nothing keeping them here. So why stay? “We could move and be with Stella and Lucas and the kids. You know Stella would love that and we could be aunt and uncle and stuff like that.” Logan almost choked because she sounded nearly domestic. The next thing you know she would be cooking meals and wearing aprons. It almost sickened her, but at least they would be safe.
"Its not what I want, but what other choice do we have?" he sighed and lifted his head up to look at her. "Maybe we should just get married. You know, tie the knot, lose our freedom, or whatever they call it these days. Nothing bad happens to married people, right? Look at Lucas and Stella. They had just as much trouble and it just disappeared. Seemingly out of nowhere all their troubles disappeared and they so did they. We could do that. Mystic Falls would never see us again." He knew that his it wasn’t as simple as that. Her knew that Lucas likely had to dip into that dark part of himself that he hated so much in order to make his ex disappear. He also knew that it likely wasn’t perfect for them either.
Lorcan grabbed the first thing he could that wasn’t the love of his life and threw it against the wall. It happened to be a pillow, but it still hit the wall with enough force to rattle the boards. “I’m just so fucking sick of this place and the people and Katherine and whatever else. Why can’t everything just go back to the easier time when I was tormenting you and you were sneaking me out of your house and I don’t know. All of that was easier.”
Logan looked up at Lorcan with her brows knitted. “Haven’t you got the memo? The town already thinks I’m insane. My mother killed herself, I was involved in manslaughter. I’m bad news, babe.” Lorcan and Logan were quite the fucked up pair and the town of Mystic Falls knew it. Lo was the self destructive one and Lorcan was the plain destructive one. Both were obvious forces to be reckoned with, a pair of stubborn tempers that were frightening when unleashed. “I do like it,” she said touching it. “A little hair gel in it and it will look great.” She grimaced as she watched Lorcan heave into the sink. She had vowed to herself that she would not vomit today. This whole pregnancy thing needed to go away or at least stop making her sick.
Logan walked and stared at Lorcan on the bed with amusement. She couldn’t remember the last time that she was drunk even let alone as drunk as Lorcan had been the night before. She leaned over him and studied him for a bit. “You okay?” She asked sounding concerned. She sat on the bed beside him, the mattress creaking under her weight. She put a hand on Lorcan’s back, waiting to see if he would answer her at all.
"No. I’m not. I haven’t been for a long time. I think we both know that." He sighed and stared at the floor. "We should just leave. We should follow suit with my coward brother and just leave. We can go anywhere. I can acquire us a house in Paris, or a cottage in New England somewhere or a series of underground caves in the Appalachians for all I fucking care. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t find Katherine and I can’t keep waiting for her to show up and wreak havoc. We have nothing left here, Stella and Rebekah were the only friends I had and they both left. Neither of us have any family left here. Your vampire killing badass of an adopted father isn’t himself anymore and you do have a a step brother but he’s really only useful for hooking me up with that hybrid gift. There is literally nothing keeping us here. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?!?" Lorcan wasn’t sure if it was a side effect of whatever unspeakable act he had committed last night or if it was something else altogether, but he was experiencing a rare moment of clarity.
Lorcan rolled over and let his head fall backwards off the side of the bed. Seeing the world from another perspective was oddly calming. Lorcan wasn’t sure why he didn’t spend more time upside down. He should try yoga. He was sure there was some sort of upside down time involved in yoga. He reached out and grabbed Logan’s hand and held it firmly, perhaps squeezing ever so slightly. “We don’t have to live like this. We can go wherever we want and do whatever we want.”
Logan was buried in the covers, blissfully unaware that Lorcan had awaken. She was exhausted, physically and mentally. She had given herself a hair in the moment, but it didn’t look that bad. Her hair would grow back in a month or two and be shoulder length again. That was one of the supernatural perks, fast growing hair. The hair was the last of her worries though. She was more concerned about the fetus. She didn’t want to think of it as a baby yet really because when she first began to think of it as a baby it would be her baby and she would never be able to part from it. Luckily, sleep was helping her avoid the matter at hand. In sleep there was no baby worry and no drunken Lorcan and no worries.
Logan sat up jolted up into a sitting position when Lorcan’s voice pieced through her comforting veil of sleep.Her mind went to Katherine and she scrambled out of bed. When her feet hit the floor she ran to the bathroom. “Lorcan? What is it? Is everything okay?” She put her hand on her stomach as a small roil of nausea hit her. Logan was already over this pregnancy thing and she had not even taken a pregnancy test to confirm it yet. She looked at her blonde locks in the sink and realized that was what Lorcan was throwing a fit over. She touched her hair and leaned against the door casing. Had she not been so worried she would have been admiring Lorcan’s corm as she usually did since he was more or less naked.”Don’t you like it? I thought I needed a change and besides it’ll be back in no time.” She smiled feebly, hoping that Lorcan would approve of her new style.
Lorcan turned around and his jaw dropped when he saw Logan’s new, albeit unprofessionally done haircut. “Are you out of your mind? You’re going to make everyone think you’re crazy. That was a complete Brittney Spears move, Logan.” He shook his head with disappointment. “You’re always going to be lovely, babe, but rash decisions are not your strong point.” He exited through the bathroom door and stopped in doorway in front of her. “But if you like it, I love it.” He smiled before the abrupt urge to vomit arose. He was able to contain it barely but managed to make it to the sink to dry-heave. After about 45 seconds, it passed and he splashed water on his face.
He brushed past the doorway and planted himself facedown on the bed with his head hanging off the side like a dog. “Today is going to suck.” His stomach was not up to par today. He couldn’t remember how much he had drank the night before, but there were red stains across the walls in various places so he was sure it did not end well for someone. He brushed that off though because it wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last.
Sunlight crept through the window and pierced Lorcan’s sensitive blue eyes like a knife blade with only the moment’s warning of the bright reflection of the blade behind his eyelids before he opened them. His head felt like a truck was rolling back and forth over and over it again and again. With every throb his vision went blurry and a deafening buzz sounded throughout his head. The plus side to being supernatural was that it would fade much more quickly than the average hangover. By the time he had a glass of water, he would be past the worst of it.
He stumbled to the kitchen for that glass and had to refill it twice before his thirst was sated. He walked into the bedroom on his way to the bathroom and saw Logan laying in bed peacefully. He vaguely remembered them having a fight, but that was nothing outside of the norm lately. It felt like any time he was home there was a fight. He walked into the bathroom and began to evacuate his bladder while holding onto the wall with his other hand. He turned and looked at the sink and almost fell over in shock when he noticed all the hair. “LOGGGGGGAAAAAANNNNN!”
It hit Logan what was wrong with her then. The reason for the roiling in her stomach, the crying, the tattered emotions. She tried not to think it as if Lorcan could read her mind. Logan chewed on her lip trying to get the tears to cease, but they refused. “You can’t become a hybrid,” she said in a soft hoarse voice. She didn’t want him to damn himself to a life as basically a half vampire. “No one’s immortal, Lorcan. Everyone can die.” It was the harsh fact that Logan had learned over the years and now that she realized what was wrong with her she was sure she would die. All she needed was a clear confirmation of it. “There’s something wrong with me, Lorcan,” she stated simply as she wiped at her cheeks. “Something bad wrong.”
"I can and will become a hybrid. Its my destiny. What does it matter anyways, we already decided we aren’t going to procreate…" He trailed off. She had decided long ago that they would be bad parents and Lorcan couldn’t really argue that fact. His own father abandoned him long ago and look where it left him. He was a remorseless murderer. He oft killed without a second thought to the pain it caused not only his victims, but their families and even the ones around Lorcan himself. Months back he had accidentally murdered the adopted father of his love and until realizing who it was, he hadn’t a care in the world. "Just go to sleep. That’s what I’m going to do." Lorcan got up and stumbled his way back down the hallway and landed on the couch before drifting off to sleep.
Logan did something wildly uncharacteristic of her; she began to cry. The tears were huge and her whole body. “It’s not that your fucking drunk,” she wailed through her tears. She put her face in hands and wept, trying to pull herself together, but she knew her composure was lost. She looked up from her hands at him bleary eyed. “You come home at all hours of the night and you came in covered in blood. You’re going to get killed and I just can’t handle that shit, Lorcan. I couldn’t handle mom being dead and I sure as hell won’t be able to handle you being dead too,” she said very quietly. Her voice straining to be above a whisper. She took back up her crying because she didn’t know what else to do about her girlish display of emotion or the breakdown of her relationship with Lorcan.
"I’m not going to get killed. There are only a few things strong enough to kill me and they’re hiding currently. And once your pompous ass of a brother shares his hybrid gift, I’ll be virtually immortal. You’re just being paranoid. So please stop crying now" Lorcan wasn’t entirely sure what to do. He was sure that the last time he had seen her cry was ages ago and he wasn’t really in a state of mind to play therapist. She really needed to get over her fears or whatever was causing her breakdown. It was really starting to bring Lorcan down and he didn’t need that nagging feeling with everything on the line against Katherine.
Logan felt the girlish urge to cry in anger and scream at the top of her lungs. This was a night from the pits of hell. “No, King Lorcan, it’s your fucking rug now,” she hissed. She felt bone tired and still nauseous. There was something not right with her. Logan never got sick like this unless she was heavily intoxicated. She pointed a finger at his naked form and the expression on her face was frightening. Her blue eyes appeared a stormy gray and her face was shadowed. “I love every piece of you, but I am your equal. I’m not just some bitch. I am the bitch.” She crawled toward him, avoiding the vomit that made her own stomach roil like crazy. She brought her face close to his. She gritted her teeth to keep the stench of liquor and bile from getting to her too badly. “You respect me at all times. I don’t care how drunk you are,” she said in a low tone. “You owe me a new rug, you fucker.”
If this were any other person, Lorcan would have had enough to rip them apart and parade around town with their head on a stick. No one talked to Lorcan like that. No one. Except Logan. She was the one thing he would never have the heart to kill. “Why are you being such a fucking bitch to me. When you get drunk its all just fun and games. Why do I get the yelled at when I come home drunk? This is bullshit, Logan.” He had a few ideas. It could have been that he always came home covered in blood.